The Worst Dream and Awakening
Last night, I had the worst dream.
I'm on medication, so I shouldn't even be dreaming.
Perhaps it was wrong to browse the internet a bit before sleeping...
No, the reason doesn't matter anymore.
Anyway, I saw it.
In the dream, I was inside a temple where a memorial service was being held.
It was the temple where I once belonged, and there were people I once knew,
And I──though uninvited──was there, dressed as a monk.
An uninvited intrusion into a memorial service.
Amidst the bustling crowd of parishioners, I furtively scurried around, trying to escape.
Trying not to be seen, trying to hide.
Reality Confronted in the Dream
But──eventually, I was found. "Oh, is that you...?"
Someone I recognized found me and made a sarcastic remark.
"Ingrate," "Why are you here now, after all you've done?"
I tried to salvage the situation, but
That exchange was overheard by a complete stranger,
And I said desperately,
"...I'm excommunicated, so it has nothing to do with me."
The moment those words left my mouth, I woke up.
I was utterly exhausted、、、
What kind of dream was that? Give me a break.
It must be a side effect of the sleeping pills、、、please stop it、、、
Reasons Not to Rely on Dream Divination
When I feel this anxious, if I were to Google "dream divination,"
It would invariably show interpretations like this:
"Regret and anxiety about your current situation are smoldering."
"Express gratitude to those who have helped you, and repay their kindness." ...or something like that.
But isn't that just twisting it to "Confucian morality"
And saying something that sounds plausible?
"Therefore, it's your fault," "You should do better," "Repent."
──Is this divination? Or is it a sermon?
It's meddling. My reality is completely shattered.
It's not at the stage of "doing better." I no longer belong there (to the temple). It's unrealistic!
Shinran Shonin's Teaching on Not Relying on Dream Divination
In Jodo Shinshu, we do not rely on fortune or dream divination.
...That's right, I am, I am、、、
No matter what I do, I was a former monk of Jodo Shinshu Hongwanji-ha Buddhism.
That fact and my spiritual foundation are unshakeable.
When Shakyamuni Buddha was on his deathbed,
His disciples asked, "What should we do when you are gone?"
And he said, "Be a light unto yourselves, and be a light unto the Dharma (rely on yourselves, and rely on the Dharma)."
I too rely on the Dharma, on Amida's compassion, rather than on this unmanageable reality.
Shinran Shonin, witnessing people appearing as Buddhists
But in reality, turning their hearts to superstitions and divinations,
Sorrowfully recited the following Buddhist poem:
"How lamentable it is that both clergy and laity choose auspicious days and good times,
And revering heavenly and earthly deities, perform divinations and rituals."
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