In a recent article, I received this comment:
"Sexless marriage is a bad thing."
At first, I almost spit out my tea (laughs). But when I read it again, I realized this might be a classic example of the mindset of "things should be this way."
The Fear of Measuring Everything as "Good" or "Bad"
When we label something as simply "good" or "bad," we fail to see the circumstances and struggles behind it. Every marriage is unique, and no one outside can declare it right or wrong.
Yet when someone clings rigidly to "should be," at the root is often loneliness and anxiety. Afraid of losing their own stability, they end up condemning others as "wrong." Self-righteousness, then, may not be a sign of strength, but an expression of fear.
Reflecting on Marriage
Marriage is inevitably a clash of self-centered desires. Yet because both partners wish to be happy, they find the effort to go beyond their own convenience.
If we simply say, "Sexless marriage is bad," the conversation ends there. But the real question is, "What is this relationship for? What do you truly want now?" From that question, a path may open where both partners can overcome their own self-interest. By chanting Namu Amida Butsu, we can feel that Amida Buddha accompanies us through our struggles.
Turning It into a Buddhist Connection
Shinran Shonin wrote in the Kyōgyōshinshō (Postface): "Faith arises as the cause, and even doubt and slander become conditions."
To gain faith, doubt and resistance are natural and even necessary. Through doubt, the connection to the Dharma unfolds. This comment, for me, became an opportunity to re-examine the "should be" mindset. Even irritation can be a doorway through which Amida Buddha reaches out to us.
Conclusion
No matter the form of marriage, or the situation, Amida Buddha watches over the journey. Even when we suffer under the weight of "should be," we are embraced in Namu Amida Butsu.
In realizing this, we may feel a little freer from measuring life as simply "good" or "bad."
Namu Amida Butsu, Namu Amida Butsu.
日本語版note:『セックスレスは悪いことだ？』──“こうあるべき”を超えるご仏縁
Comments
Post a Comment