Q: “Why is killing wrong?”
“My life is meaningless anyway. Shut up and leave me alone.”
A: Don’t whine. I don’t know the meaning of life either. If anything, I’m the one who wants to ask.
If I had to say something, I’m alive because I couldn’t bring myself to die. I live because I want to live.
Maybe there’s no deeper reason beyond that — just pure inevitability.
Still, as long as I’m alive, I want to live joyfully. Nobody wants to suffer on purpose.
For me to live comfortably, I want the people I owe to stay alive too.
I can’t relax if the world isn’t at least somewhat peaceful.
So yeah — peace is best. Killing people? Absolutely out of the question.
This is something I picked up from a guy named Xenos: no matter who you ask, the answer you get is always about their own convenience.
“I do what I do because I want to. Got a problem with that?”
— But then, you might get a reply like this, sharp as a knife:
“Then I want you dead for my own convenience. Go die.”
No. I refuse.
I’m calling the cops.
I don’t have time to deal with childish tantrums.
…That’s it. This isn’t some epic takedown or clever rebuttal.
We’re all just acting on our own whims. That’s the extent of human interaction.
Is There a Meaning to Life?
Do we really need some grand meaning to live?
I live because I want to play games. I live because I want to eat delicious food.
I live because I want to look at beautiful things. I’m a selfish creature chasing pleasure — nothing more, nothing less.
There’s no meaning in it. And that’s the fun of it.
It’s because I can do dumb things without meaning that life gets interesting.
Spending time on a question with no answer is pointless.
That’s just how it is. Get it?
…That’s probably where most people would stop.
But even if I try to embrace that attitude, I still feel unsettled.
I can’t shake off the discomfort.
That’s where I’m at right now.
The Role of a Kyōkaishi (Religious Guide)
There’s a role in Japan called a kyōkaishi — a religious guide who continues to face and talk with death row inmates until their final moments.
I vaguely remember reading a book about it once. I forgot almost everything in it, except for one image:
“Sitting quietly beside an unsalvageable darkness.”
That image — that feeling — has stayed with me ever since.
People we’d rather push away with, “There’s no saving them anymore,” or “Not my responsibility.”
And yet, there are people who choose to stay with them.
Even one person refusing to abandon someone else — that fact alone…
Maybe that truth cuts deeper for those of us who have done the abandoning.
How can someone like me, who can’t even handle their own emotions, possibly hold someone else’s soul in my hands? That’s way too much to ask.
But maybe — just maybe — I can still be there.
Stay beside that impossible situation.
If that’s all it takes, maybe I can do that.
Finding Unexpected Comfort in YouTube
Still feeling fuzzy, I turned to YouTube.
I listened to IKZO while doing housework. Then a cover of “Onegai Muscle.” Then a casual explainer video.
And somehow — don’t ask me how — YouTube suddenly started playing the Amitabha Sutra.
It must’ve been autoplay.
…Honestly, I should be chanting it myself.
It felt like the universe was scolding me for being lazy.
Still, I didn’t stop it.
I kept doing housework, listening to the sutra, quietly saying “Namu Amida Butsu” in my mind.
If you just can’t bring yourself to do anything, then maybe — just maybe — that’s okay for now.
You don’t need a noble reason. No need for a tidy story arc.
Wanting to play games, eat something tasty, look at pretty things —
even those “selfish and silly” reasons are enough to keep wanting to live.
And maybe…
Just maybe…
Amida Buddha embraces lazy, hopeless people like that — just as they are.
Even if you’re not doing anything “proper,”
Just letting the sutra play on YouTube without stopping it —
That alone can make you feel like someone is sitting quietly beside you.
Just a little bit.
…Namu Amida Butsu.
Read the original article (Japanese) here:
なぜ人を殺してはいけないのか～モヤモヤしてたら、YouTubeから流れてきたお経～
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